My Word 2020

 Originally posted on Wordpress 

It has been more difficult than usual to choose my word for 2020. Last year my word was Trust, and I admit it was a challenge. It was sort of like praying for patience! God provided multiple opportunities for me to learn to trust him, and to become aware of how hard it is for me to trust God, and people in my life. My “go to” when I am hurt is to withdraw, in an attempt to prevent being hurt again. I know isolation is one of Satan’s favorite tools, and he delights in convincing us we cannot trust anyone, even God. What a year it was! Lysa Terkeurst’s book “It’s Not Supposed To Be This Way” helped me to work through some of my issues with trusting that God is always good, and life threw some curveballs to help me put into practice what I was learning. Prior to choosing Trust as my word, if you had asked me if I trusted easily I would have said yes, and if you had asked me if I trusted God I would have said without a doubt! However, I began to see evidence in my life that I did not completely trust God and I don’t easily trust others not to hurt me. These habits keep me from accepting what God is doing with a smile on my face, and confidence it will be okay,  instead of complaints or questions. Ultimately, I had to admit that I had some work to do. I have not been one to easily share my past experiences as a child, and a young adult, and this would not be the place to do so anyway, so you will just have to trust me when I say that I come by it honestly…As I read Lysa Terkeurst’s book I realized I am not alone.

“When His timing seems questionable, His lack of intervention seems hurtful, and His promises seem doubtful, I get afraid. I get confused. And left alone with those feelings, I can’t help but feel disappointed that God isn’t doing what I assume a good God should do.”

“Sometimes all the homes around me seem to be bursting with laughter and love and a normalcy currently out of reach for me. I’m happy for them. I used to be one of them. But it’s so hard to see the stark contrast of their lives and mine. We all have areas of life that seem to fall impossibly short. We thought this aspect of life would bring us great joy. After all, it does for others. But not us. The very thing we thought would burn so brightly with joy has turned out to burn us. And what makes it so maddening is that it didn’t have to be this way! Usually, the most disappointing realities come from the most realistic expectations. An unmet longing from a realistic expectation is such a searing pain within a human heart. You know this whole deal should have and could have been different. But their choices were their own. Their desires, their brokenness, their selfishness, or their lack of awareness left your needs unattended. What seemed so realistic to you was met with a resistance and ultimately a rejection by someone you didn’t think would ever hurt you.”

“My hope isn’t tied to whether or not a circumstance or another person changes. My hope is tied to the unchanging promise of God. I hope for the good I know God will ultimately bring from this, whether the good turns out to match my desires or not.”

“God loves us too much to answer our prayers in any other way than the right way. And He loves us too much to answer our prayers at any other time than the right time”

— It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way: Finding Unexpected Strength When Disappointments Leave You Shattered by Lysa TerKeurst

Now, back to My Word for this year. I new right away what it was supposed to be. It kept coming up in songs, devotional and conversations, but I did not want a hard word this year. I worked hard last year, this should be an easy year! I tried hard to find something else that felt right but My Word for this year is Surrender. I am confident I have much to learn about this topic, as I have been reminded by many people that know me well,  I am very determined and usually I think my way is the best and only way. Giving up control, is by nature, a very difficult thing to do. I hope to share my thoughts as I learn more about myself and the act of surrendering.

 

me

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