That time of year...

 Originally posted 12/08/18 on Wordpress 


Thinking back on this day six years ago. Everything seemed so unreal. I think every one of us knows that the day will come that we will live here on earth without our parents with us. Even with that awareness we have no way of knowing what that life will be like. There is really no way to prepare.

With the involvement of Community Hospice I was aware for the last few weeks that time with my dad was coming to an end, but I was not able to wrap my head around this knowledge. I couldn’t process the reality of my life without my dad in it. Dad was the constant in my life that had always loved well and unconditionally. He was a wonderful example of our Heavenly Father. He gave guidance, shared wisdom and resources and supported everyone he loved. His absence left a large hole that will never be filled.

These past two years as I have worked at Community Hospice, patients have shared their thoughts and needs at the end of their lives, and three needs have been consistent across the different ages, cultures, and economic levels. People at the end of life want to know: 1) Have I made a difference with my life? 2) How will I be remembered? 3) Will my legacy continue? Answering theses questions for the patient gives closure to both the patient and the friend or family member. I did not know about this when dad was in hospice but I have since given a lot of thought to how I would have answered those questions and what I would have shared with him.

1) Did I make a difference with my life?

I believe my dad made a difference in the lives of family members and friends alike. He treated everyone with respect and affirmed their worth. On a personal level he assured me I was loved and lovable when I was not sure.

2) How will I be remembered?

I have numerous memories of my dad. I see him glowing with love and pride when his grandchildren were born. I see him smiling at the large, full table at Olive Garden for Christmas Dinner before we went back to the house to open presents. I can see him on the annual shopping excursion for grandkids Christmas presents giving careful consideration to what he would purchase. I see him at the family reunions loving on everyone and encouraging everyone he spoke with. I see him sitting with me at the kitchen table helping me to make sense of my problems and helping me to find a way through. I can hear him saying “let’s think about this”, “be reasonable”, “be careful how you help someone. Don’t give them a car if they can’t afford the gas”.

3) Will my legacy continue?

My dad loved his Lord, his family, and his friends, and I believe that was part of the legacy he gave me. I believe it does continue as I share with others what is really important in this life. I learned from him the importance of sharing the resources I have been given and being reasonable in the way I do it. I learned the importance of giving those I love grace, encouragement and unconditional love. Most of all I learned I can trust God to be faithful, always on time, never late, never early. I see the evidence of this truth in, and through every stage of my dad’s life.

Knowing how he made a difference, precious memories, and an awareness of the legacy I have been given help me to celebrate my dad’s life instead of focusing on the loss.

Perspective is everything…

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