House in the Woods

 We are finally in our home, and it doesn't look at all like I thought it would but is so much better than I ever imagined it would be. I had always dreamed of having a farmhouse, sort of like my Grandma and Grandpa Smith's house with the big front porch and the rocking chairs, and swing. The dream was in part because the porch is where some of my favorite memories were made rocking and swinging with my cousins, but I was also drawn to the simplicity in the design. As we looked over floor plans, they never felt right, and the frustration was beginning to build as we contemplated another very hot summer in the camper. Mike decided on a whim to visit the America's Home Place office in Brunswick and everything began falling  into place. Although I was reluctant to give up my dream and make any changes to the vision I had in my mind this house seemed like the perfect solution. Mike and I could both have what we wanted. The back of the house on the pond is more like a lake house...

After years of looking at house plans and many, many times finding “just the right one” only to decide it doesn’t work, we have FINALLY found our house. It is hard to make a decision when there are so many options. We have gone back and forth on how big, or small we want the house to be, and written down the “must haves”, and the “would be nice”. We’ve talked about our dreams and how we want the house to be a refuge and safe place for family and friends. We’ve dreamed of family get togethers with enough room for everyone to be together with spaces where our children and grandchildren will be comfortable. We want our home to be a place of fellowship and laughter, where friends can gather and play games, or complete puzzles, bake cookies or spend time reading a book. This house fits all those wants and desires without making any changes. I am glad we kept looking and did not settle. In the new year we will begin the “prep work”. Can’t wait to see this house take shape. 

These colors always amaze me. We’ve traveled to the mountains in the Fall to “see the colors”, and yet it seems most of the time the colors are just as vibrant here. Thanksgiving takes on a whole new feeling this year in the quiet of the woods, and I have so many things to be grateful for… A community of believers who want to impact Brantley County for Christ. My husband who loves me (spoils me rotten) and shares my dreams. Our children who are creating the lives they dream of one day at a time. Our grandchildren who bring joy and laughter to our lives. My brother and his beautiful family who understands his importance in my life. Cousins who are always there when I need them. Aunts and Uncles who are so much a part of who I am today. Friends who are my chosen family who have loved me through the hard times, and celebrated the good times.  The job I dreamed of and a team that makes the hard days easier.  A legacy that taught me the importance of loving and caring for others, o...

We put up a mailbox yesterday. Actually, Mike put up the mailbox and I admired it. It’s been a very long time since my home address was in Georgia. I was born in Decatur, and lived as a very young child near Atlanta and for a little while in Brunswick. I spent part of my summers at my Aunt Berlene and Uncle Brigham’s home in Waynesville, and part of my summers in Coffee County at my Grandma and Grandpa Smith’s farm. I even went to college in Georgia at Valdosta State, but now we are officially here and it’s good to be home. Moving to Waynesville was a dream that began taking shape many years ago. There were times it didn’t seem it would ever happen. Now I realize it just wasn’t time yet. Mike and I were blessed to have mom with us in our home for five years, and our home worked well for her and her needs at the time. Amanda and Steve were in town and we soaked up time with them and the littles before they headed out to make their home in Texas. Our daughter Katie and the kids were also...

I left my house in Fleming Island for the last time this morning. It was bittersweet and I felt like crying and celebrating at the same time. That house was a place of much joy and much pain. When I moved into the house it was the perfect place for three little boys. We had a big back yard for them to play in with our dog Maverick. The neighborhood was new and full of young families like ours with lots of kids their age and a new elementary school within walking distance. Their were other “stay at home” moms to have play dates with and special friendships were made. I weathered a very hard divorce and was alone for the first in my life in that house. It was comforting and familiar in a time when my world was falling apart. That house was the place a new family was created and two broken hearts were pieced back together in a new beautiful way. As the years passed we watched our children grow into young adults and it was from that house we watched them leave and chase their own dreams se...

I am trying to be more intentional in my life, to prioritize those things that really matter, and to create a peace and stillness in my life that makes it easier to hear, and feel that gentle nudging of the Holy Spirit. It’s amazing what God will bring our way if we will pay attention.  When I park my car in the parking garage at work it is not unusual to have people speak to me either about my car, or to ask for directions. Yesterday a man pulled up beside me in his truck as I was getting out of the car and he said he had driven a mini in Europe and it was a blast. As we walked toward the entrance the man said “I sure hope today goes well”. I asked what was going on, and he shared he was headed to the 8th floor (oncology). He went on to say that his wife had somehow gotten an infection in her port and he was worried how that was going to impact her treatments. I told him I would pray for her, and we went our separate ways. I thought of the couple off and on throughout the day, and...

Mike and I have been dreaming for years about moving to the land in Georgia and building a home. We have looked at house plans and picked “the perfect one” many times as we tried to consider how to “be reasonable”, but have enough room for family, friends and whoever God sends our way. Dad named the property Camp Peace and Joy, and Mike and I both know it as a place of respite away from the “hustle and bustle” of everyday life. I have no idea what God has planned, but I want to be ready. Mike has been packing up, loading up, and taking up our things to the barn one load at a time on  his own. Now that the time is near I find myself excited, but also sad. It is a bittersweet feeling to be leaving the house I have lived in since January 1st 1992. We had three boys when we moved in.; Chris was 5, Matt was 3, and Josh 11 months. I fell in love with the house the first time I saw it, and the large back yard was a bonus. Our house was a “spec” home, and every time we came to look at it t...

My dad would be 81 years old today. I am grateful for all the years we had, but I certainly would not mind if I’d had more. Dad was a very wise man andhad a way with words. I find myself using his words of wisdom every day. Dad was generous with his love, and his money. He loved to help others and did not take lightly the responsibility to share what he had with others in a way that was respectful, encouraging, and not hurtful.  One of my favorite quotes was “If you give someone a car, but they can’t afford insurance or gas, have you really helped them?” The other statement that comes to mind every day is “be reasonable.” Dad believed in moderation (except when it came to his grandchildren). I strive to be a daughter he would be proud of every single day in all that I say and do, but the best thing is knowing Dad also believed in grace, and I know he loved me unconditionally. In honor of dad I will try to help in ways that preserve dignity and do not hinder, to practice moderation,...

It came up quickly, and for the first time since I was six years old I wasn’t going to be able to see my mama, or at least talk to her on Mother’s Day. I wasn’t sure how I was going to feel, but my hope was that I would be able to celebrate her, and focus on the memories, and good times.  My family knows that when I get up, and start cleaning, organizing, and rearranging it usually means I am trying to process strong emotions. Saturday I found myself doing just that. It took time for me to realize what was going on...I was missing my mama. I wanted to see her, and tell her what’s been going on. I wanted another opportunity to tell her I love her. I wanted to hear her laugh when she tries to tell a joke, and can’t remember the punch line. I wanted to see her face light up when she opened the new outfit that always had purple on it somewhere, and to pin the orchid on her before we left for church.  As time goes by the shock wears off, and reality sets in. She is not here anymore...

 I’ve been mulling over for a few weeks now, how to put into words what Anita has meant to me through the years. She came into my life when I was a teenager,  when she started working for my dad as his secretary. She was part of a large family that became very important to mine. Her dad, Sonny and his brother, Charlie were married to two sisters; her mom, Linda and her aunt Brenda. I always called them “the Potts and Pans” to keep them straight. I remember the whole Potts family being involved in The Living Christmas Tree, and Anita being in the ensemble and how captivating her voice was. There are also memories of cookouts, holidays, and lots of love, and laughter, and I thoroughly enjoyed being a part of it. She became a confidante, someone I could share my heart with, without any fear of judgement. When I was married to my children’s father she sang in the wedding. She had the voice of an angel, but was so very humble about it. I watched her as she and my dad were married. ...

 Originally posted on Wordpress  September 1, 2020 It is getting harder… Mom has had some major changes lately. Actually, a more appropriate way to say it is, mom has had a major decline. I really dislike that word, decline. We use it at work to help families understand what is happening with their loved one, but there is no way that one word can describe the loss. There are times she is not sure who I am. She knows I am important, but she’s not sure why. She is showing signs of “sundowners”. This burst of energy, and need to move at bedtime. She’s always been a night owl, and I have always been a morning person. About the time I am ready to lay down she is ready to start moving. I have a baby monitor in her room so I can see, and hear her if she needs me, and I have to admit, I probably spend way too much time just watching her, instead of sleeping. My cousin sent some pictures that my aunt had put away the other day. There were pictures of mom with clear, and confident eyes,...

  Originally posted on Wordpress  August 26, 2020 I captured this shot on the way to work Monday morning, when I was driving back from the pond in Georgia. Pardon the haze, my lens fogged up when I jumped out of the car on the side of the road. I’ve always had a fascination with sunrises, and sunsets, and the way clouds actually emphasize the beauty of the light. As a teenager spending summers on my grandparent’s farm, I could be found many evenings, out in the yard when the sun was going down, trying to somehow capture the beauty of the colors. I found that the limitations of the camera lens could not do it justice. I’ll admit at that time in my life I didn’t capture many sunrises. They came way too early! I’m amazed at how every single sunrise, and sunset are different. I’m also learning how quickly they change, and I only get one chance to try and capture what I see. I’ve also begun to appreciate that the clouds are often what brings out the beauty of the light. So many lif...

 Originally posted on Wordpress  August 19, 2020 He would have been 79 years old yesterday. It’s been almost eight years now, and sometimes it seems like yesterday, and other times it feels much longer. There are so many things I would have loved sharing with him since he left us; The pond has been such a wonderful place to get away from everything. I would love to share with him how much I appreciate this gift, and about our plans for a future there, looking at house plans, and trying to figure out where to put the house. The situation with mom, and how much I have learned about her, and about myself, as Mike and I care for her. I know Mike would have cherished his encouragement, and the insight dad learned from helping Anita care for Linda. My struggles to figure out where to fit into my adult children’s lives, trying to remain close, but respecting their space. He did such a good job of giving me the security I needed, without smothering me. The current world events, and th...

 Originally posted on Wordpress  January 20, 2020 It has been more difficult than usual to choose my word for 2020. Last year my word was Trust, and I admit it was a challenge. It was sort of like praying for patience! God provided multiple opportunities for me to learn to trust him, and to become aware of how hard it is for me to trust God, and people in my life. My “go to” when I am hurt is to withdraw, in an attempt to prevent being hurt again. I know isolation is one of Satan’s favorite tools, and he delights in convincing us we cannot trust anyone, even God. What a year it was! Lysa Terkeurst’s book “It’s Not Supposed To Be This Way” helped me to work through some of my issues with trusting that God is always good, and life threw some curveballs to help me put into practice what I was learning. Prior to choosing Trust as my word, if you had asked me if I trusted easily I would have said yes, and if you had asked me if I trusted God I would have said without a doubt! Howev...

  Originally posted on Wordpress  October 24, 2019 I’m finally ready to share something I wrote in my journal on 09-19-19. I just needed to sit on it for awhile, and work through the feelings first. Mom was admitted to home hospice on 09-17-19. I made the referral on Monday 09-16-19. It was one of the hardest calls I have ever made… I have seen with my own eyes that she is declining, but I did not want to accept what I was seeing. I did not expect the emotions I experienced. This is what I do. I talk to people every day about decline, acceptance of what is happening, and the value of hospice services earlier rather than later. Still, I struggled, and it was hard to accept the time had come for the call. An admissions nurse came out the next day to complete an assessment, to see if mom was actually appropriate for hospice. I had planned on being there for the visit, but my husband encouraged me to go on to work. He felt mom would be more open, and since I work for the same hosp...

 Originally posted on Wordpress 07/06/19 Those of you who have read previous posts know I have had the habit for a few years now of choosing a word at the beginning of the year to concentrate on. It works much better for me than resolutions. I always pray for God to reveal the right one and I am amazed at how appropriate the word is for my circumstances. In past years I have chosen; Grace, Intentional, Hope, and this year the word is Trust. Trust sounds like a basic word and an easy concept but it is much more complicated than I realized, and it is tied to every area of my life. There were two things I believed to be true about myself and trust… I am trusting of others I trust God I’ve learned that things are not always as they seem!One of the first things that God has pointed out to me this year is that I do not easily trust people. I have allowed the rejections , and hurts in the past to interfere with being open ,  and vulnerable in my current relationships. Reading Brene B...

Originally posted on Wordpress 01/21/19   Love of God is pure when joy, and suffering inspire an equal degree of gratitude. Simone Weil Still thinking about this topic, and how I should respond to “trials and tribulations”, or a simple detour in  my  plans. Instead of asking “why?” I think a better response is “what?” What can I learn from this? What might God be saving me from? What is making me scared, resistant, determined to have my way? I think my answers will shed light on the differences in my character and the character of the one who always knows best. Am I filled with pride and afraid to admit I am wrong? Do I lack faith that God will see me through? Do I have a selfish dream or agenda? Do I fear my dreams will not come true? It all comes back to trust, again, and again. Do I  really  trust Him? Let my answer be, “yes Lord, always yes”

 Originally posted on Wordpress 01/20/19 “God’s ultimate goal for your life is not comfort, but character development” Rick Warren I have been thinking a lot lately about the two different responses I see when people are confronted with difficulty. There is the “why” response; why me, why now, why this, why do I have to hurt, or struggle? There is no good answer if you believe comfort is the purpose of life. The other response is “I trust you, God”, knowing we have a god who redeems  all things , and uses  all things  to work together for good. This is much easier to do if we believe developing character is more important than being comfortable. This year I am trying to respond to detours, changes in my plans, difficulties, pain, and disappointments by saying “I trust you, God”. Every year I pick a word to focus on and this year my word is trust. The question I am trying to answer in each and every situation is; Do I really trust Him? Trust takes away the anxieties a...

 Originally posted 12/08/18 on Wordpress  Thinking back on this day six years ago. Everything seemed so unreal. I think every one of us knows that the day will come that we will live here on earth without our parents with us. Even with that awareness we have no way of knowing what that life will be like. There is really no way to prepare. With the involvement of Community Hospice I was aware for the last few weeks that time with my dad was coming to an end, but I was not able to wrap my head around this knowledge. I couldn’t process the reality of my life without my dad in it. Dad was the constant in my life that had always loved well and unconditionally. He was a wonderful example of our Heavenly Father. He gave guidance, shared wisdom and resources and supported everyone he loved. His absence left a large hole that will never be filled. These past two years as I have worked at Community Hospice, patients have shared their thoughts and needs at the end of their lives, and thr...

 Originally posted on Wordpress 08/19/18 Thought of my dad all day yesterday, as I contemplated how he would have been celebrating his 77th birthday. Hoping he would be pleased with how those who loved him so much, are trying to carry on with the legacy he provided. He believed in loving others, being reasonable in all things, helping others (with careful consideration to make sure “the help” was appropriate), and never thinking too much of himself. At work I encourage families to talk with the patient about how the loved one has made a difference with their life, how they will be remembered, what the family will miss, what the family is grateful for, in regards to the patient, and how the patient’s legacy will continue. I was not aware of this idea when my dad was in hospice, but I like to think he knew these things. Dad definitely made a difference with his life by loving fiercely, and passionately. He is remembered as someone who knew what was important, and what wasn’t. He is r...